In my head I have a list of things I want to do before I die, probably longer than the Great Wall of China. I would love to call it a bucket list, but I don’t. Bucket list calls for you to write things down, and once it’s written down you have to devise a way into accomplish it, and history shows I’m not doing too well on the accomplishment scale. I don’t do well in completing what I’ve started, unless it’s a task given to me by a superior.
I like following, but I hardly ever follow myself. I hardly ever listen truly to Ivor inside of me, and what he wants and give him the chance to do and be the things he wants to do and be. I suppress him. I silence him with reasons why not. But I dream.
I dream almost as much as I live, if not more. I re-arrange entire universes with one thought, and I crush them as quickly as they came. I waste valuable time and energy thinking about things and never attempt to cross them off.
It’s fear that is guiding me away from making a bucket list; fear that guards me against the painful possibility of dying with that worn-out list still safely tucked away in my letter collection, titled “Before I die”.
But I realized that exposing your fears to the world helps you to suffocate them. And this is what I’m going to do RIGHT NOW. I’m going to write a list. I’m going to tell the world “this is what I want to do before I die” (at least some of the things I want to do). And I want the world to challenge me. To hold me accountable. To help me.
So here goes a few:
- I want to travel the world (don’t we all). But not JUST because I want to, but because my criminal record tells me I can’t. So technically, I first need to clear my criminal record- a somewhat impossible bucket list entry in South Africa.
- I want to have a published book before age thirty-five. (my initial deadline was 30, which is in a week’s time. See what I mean with not writing things down…it would’ve gone unnoticed.
- I want to man a food truck with a full sound system, and fold-up table and chairs, to be pitched up in any community, festival or event.
I think these three long-term ones should do for now because fear is tugging at my sleeve, whispering, “not too much; not too cocky”. And I still battle with not obeying fear’s voice.
But there’s a great number of other things, big and small, I’d love to write down, and I will, in time. For now, I have a couple of hours left of today, and I want to take in what it still has to offer.
Peace to you.