You Only Die Once (Y.O.D.O)

To abandon a comfortable lifestyle that isn’t deeply fulfilling is to abandon nothing. There’s nothing of real substance there to protect. An income, a car, a house, or a lifestyle is not worth protecting if the cost of such protection is your own fulfilment and happiness. People who achieve some of the external trappings of success without internal fulfilment are only living an illusion when they tell themselves they have something of value to protect. In most cases the feeling that there’s something to protect is just an excuse used to avoid facing the real fear — that maybe all … Continue reading You Only Die Once (Y.O.D.O)

CHANGE: is it truly possible for people?

Originally posted on Poormans Friend:
In a story by Jamie Tworkowski called “Welcome To Midnight” he asked the questions, “…is it possible to change? Is it really truly possible to leave the past behind…? I’ve wrestled with these questions and their answers in many different ways and settings over the last 9 years of my life since I left prison. And I’ll probably still wrestle with them as the years progress. Because the past can never leave us like a mad lover, and change always tests the waters first (often longer than expected), before giving itself to us wholly. But… Continue reading CHANGE: is it truly possible for people?

CHANGE: is it truly possible for people?

In a story by Jamie Tworkowski called “Welcome To Midnight” he asked the questions, “…is it possible to change? Is it really truly possible to leave the past behind…? I’ve wrestled with these questions and their answers in many different ways and settings over the last 9 years of my life since I left prison. And I’ll probably still wrestle with them as the years progress. Because the past can never leave us like a mad lover, and change always tests the waters first (often longer than expected), before giving itself to us wholly. But these questions has somewhat felt … Continue reading CHANGE: is it truly possible for people?

This is for you (a poem I’m sharing with a school group this weekend)

This is for the ones who think they are too big, too small, too thick, too boney, too boyish, or too girly. This is for the ones who think they are ugly. The ones who think they should hide out. And the ones who gets judged for it. The ones who let their external appearance determine their internal feelings. The ones with their fingers in their throats after every meal. The ones who get kicked down by words. The ones who will never try anything new. Here’s a fun fact Deep down, we all feel the same. We find things … Continue reading This is for you (a poem I’m sharing with a school group this weekend)

Don’t go just yet.

I know there will be days when it feels as if this life wants to squeeze every ounce of happiness out from your leaking heart…BUT, hold on. I know, “it gets better”, often sounds more flirtatious than it actually is, and healing can cause more pain than hurting does…BUT, hold on. I know, inside, you dreams feels more like windswept ashes than the sweltering fire you once thought it was…BUT, hold on. I know you believe that friendship is like skipping stones; that no matter how big the ripples, it somehow always vanishes in the sea of “all of us”…BUT, hold on. … Continue reading Don’t go just yet.

Hope For Grabouw

I don’t have a lot of recollections of Apartheid. I grew up in its fade-out phase. I was only six years old when Mandela was released from prison. Back then I didn’t even know who Nelson Mandela was but I remember the hope with which people spoke about him. I vaguely remember what happened in Melrose Place with the forceful evictions in the 90’s. I remember as a boy, helping families gathering their belongings that was scattered all over that dusty open field. I remember the barbed wires, and begging treats from the SA Army guys patrolling our streets. I … Continue reading Hope For Grabouw

Grabouw–I’m from you.

I’m from Appletiser, from fruit-picking, and potholes the size of basketball hoops. I’m from abandoned buildings and a school with too many broken windows. I’m from a million bad habits to kick and a bucket list as long as the schoolyard wall I often used as a public toilet. I’m from the apple orchard, the Elgin Rose, and the Country Club with an ocean without salt or the colour blue. I’m from burnt spaghetti bolognaise and Percy Sledge LP’s; from big-brother-biting-ear-off at Christmas lunch and little brother getting tattoos at age twelve. I’m from the broken bones and sticks and … Continue reading Grabouw–I’m from you.

I should learn to “Shut The EFFF Up”

So, a couple of days ago I did the ONE THING Christians, especially a youth pastor, are NOT allowed to do: I cussed (the F-word)….on Facebook (gasping). A lot of people were quite offended by that, and I want to apologize for that. I’m sorry that I did not portray much of the Jesus-likeness I’m supposed to show. And I could try to justify it by saying I was angry and therefore did not think properly, but I’d be lying (which is a pretty acceptable Christian behaviour in 21st century culture). But I knew exactly what I was doing. In … Continue reading I should learn to “Shut The EFFF Up”

Exhaustion and being busy, the new trends.

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear from at least five people how tired; how exhausted they are; how floored they are after a day’s work, school or varsity life. Everyone is asking for more hours in a day, as if time would magically help us do the things we didn’t get to in the allocated time. I’m guilty of this more than others, most of the time. I was rambling on the phone earlier on with my girlfriend, giving her the list of things I have to get to the next couple weeks, and how I don’t … Continue reading Exhaustion and being busy, the new trends.

Hello Bad Days

I can so easily forget what it means to be a person. I can get so easily wrapped up in how I feel when I feel heavy, that I forget how others feel about me. I focus too much on how hard I have to swallow every morning  before stepping outside, and how I have to press play to that overrated track in my head: “it’s not as bad as it feels”.  Most days I stay grounded though. Most days I continue to believe that my life is not the mess it was years ago. Those days I fly. I … Continue reading Hello Bad Days